


To Be Alive Again

by needlesandink



Series: Journey [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crew as Family, Cute, Expert Fluff Writer Inky, Family, Fluff, Kisses, Love, M/M, One Shot, Physical Therapy, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Recovery, Schmoop, So Fluffy You Might Suffocate, Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vulcan Kisses, can be read as a standalone, happy crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 03:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10608813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needlesandink/pseuds/needlesandink
Summary: As they walk through the building and to the ‘lift to take them up to the 7th floor Jim goes off on a tangent about how he wants to get the bridge crew together for another ‘family dinner’. They had all gotten a hell of a lot closer since Jim’s revival. Apparently, death (and resurrection) can really bring people closer together. Spock listens patiently and gives his own opinions on what food they would all agree on. (“Pizza.” “No.” “C’mon there’s vegetarian pizza.” “Pizza is not within Dr. McCoy’s dietary arrangement for you, which you still have to follow for the following month.” “Of course I do.”)Or The One Where Jim Feels Alive





	

**Author's Note:**

> URGENT!!!: Hey so, I am basically writing this as an apology to you. Here's why: I will not be posting an update on Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) until May 7th at the very latest and May 3rd at the earliest. I hope. This is because I have a ton of school to do and like -6 time to do it. SO, pray that I get my school work done so I can return to you and write the shit out of SW(WA).
> 
> Anyways. This is a little drabble that I wrote up a lil' bit ago. Basically in SW(WA) I touch on how Jim and Spock got together after Jim's revival and subsequent release from the hospital. I have a thought that (maybe) after or even before I finish SW(WA) that I will make a prequel that goes into depth of that time between Jim's revival to the start of the 5 year mission. Just for reference, this drabble takes place around 5 months before the 5 year starts and 6 months after Jim is released from the hospital. This can be read as a standalone but is apart of the Journey!Verse I have created.

Jim smiled, wide and unrepentant as he left Starfleet Medical’s main physical therapy building. He had spent almost 20 minutes over his original hour appointment saying goodbye to everyone that had been involved in his recovery. They spent time talking and he thanked them all several times, his gratitude to them pouring out of his soul.

It was his last PT appointment ever after his death almost 6 months previous.

And wow hadn’t 6 months changed everything.

When he had first been checked out of Starfleet Medical he had been weak, in mind and body. He could walk, sure, but only short distances before he felt fatigued. Bones had told him he would be walking completely normal by the end of the month, but Jim had his doubts.

He had struggled for the first month or so. He could barely sleep, eating was a chore, and his PT appointments left him in excruciating pain every time. His mental health wasn’t any better than his physical. He was sad and sluggish; his bright smiles dim and his character diminished.

The only thing that had really kept him going was the weird tension that had happened between him and Spock. He had been released from Starfleet Med into Spock’s care, approved by his CMO. Spock had tentatively taken care of him when he was at his lowest. He made sure that Jim ate Bones’ strict diet and took all of his medication. He would take Jim to his triweekly PT appointments and stay with him for the whole miserable hour. He watched Jim struggle and never once thought him weaker for it, and Jim was grateful.

Then Jim started noticing the way Spock watched him, the small and gentle touches Spock bestowed on him. When Jim’s meds had made his nightmares increase tenfold, he noticed the way Spock had spoken in hushed tones in a low voice, comforting him and helping him fall back asleep.

Then one day, almost 2 months since Jim had been out of the hospital, Spock kissed him.

At the end of 2 months Jim had been feeling much better. He could walk, and had started jogging in PT, but couldn’t do anything more extensive than that. He frequently had to take breaks and always had to make sure a place to sit down was close by but he felt better, could feel his recovery happening, could feel hope. He had only 8 and a half more months until his silver lady would be ready to fly again, and he was determined to be ready for her when she was.

Over dinner, sitting on Spock’s couch, he told Spock as such. He truly started to feel alive again, and he knew it would take time for him to be back to his normal self, but he was ready to fully commit to the journey. Spock looked at him, with an emotion in his face that Jim couldn’t comprehend. Jim’s eyebrows furrowed as Spock stood, placing his bowl of food on the small coffee table in front of them. He reached for Jim’s own bowl and set it down as well, before giving Jim’s arm a gentle tug. Jim let himself be pulled up to stand in front of Spock, he was going to ask what the hell was going on but was stopped short by a hand wrapping around the base of his neck. He was swayed forward by another hand that had settled against his hip and the next thing he knew Spock was pressing a slow and tender kiss onto his lips.

Spock had given him no time to respond further, withdrawing and giving him the tilt of his lip that was his equivalent of a smile before picking up his food bowl and taking it to the kitchen to be disposed of. Jim had been left standing, speechless, his arms hanging at his sides.

They never really talked about it after that. The next month was filled with small kisses, both Vulcan and human, and knowing looks. They didn’t go any further and they didn’t have any discussion about what was happening between them until the end of that month.

He had felt alive then, but now, as he is greeted by the sight of his boyfriend of 4 months as he walks out of his last PT session- he is _living._

He gets into Spock’s hovercar (which is technically one of The Vulcan Embassy’s hovercars, but whatever) he holds out two fingers from his left hand as he buckles up with his right and his smile widens- if possible- as warm fingers touch his own. A fizzle of happiness shoots through him at that, as it always does.

Once he’s buckled up he twists in his seat to get a better look at Spock and flashes his grin at him. Spock immediately quirks his own grin back and leans to capture Jim’s lips in another greeting by kiss. Spock pull away from him, settling back into the driver’s seat and setting the hovercar’s computer for Spock’s apartment and letting it do most of the driving.

“You are projecting very loudly.” Spock comments, “It is pleasing to feel your happiness in such an exuberant manner.” He adds, giving another small grin towards Jim. Jim takes his hands, threading his fingers through Spock’s.

“I’m happy. I’m _so_ happy. I feel like everything is going to finally be okay now. The refit is going good, San Fran isn’t in shambles anymore, and I don’t feel like I’m going to collapse at any given moment. So yeah, I’m a bit happy.” Jim bubbles over with excitement, and he knows that Spock can feel it where their hands are connected. Spock’s hand squeezes his lightly.

“I am beyond proud that you have accomplished so much in such a small amount of time.” He says evenly, although Jim can see, can practically feel the warmth and love that Spock tries his hardest to show him.

And that’s a new thing, isn’t it? Love?

Jim, somewhere in the back of his mind had realized he was falling for Spock a long time ago. Realized it back when chess games were their only form of civil interaction and their teamwork on the bridge had finally started to click. His last moments in the warp core are fuzzy at best, but he remembers hoping and wishing that Spock lived, that he would experience happiness to the fullest of his ability. He wished he could reach out, and tried to- and somewhere… somewhere he had the faintest feeling that he was in love, or as close as he could get to being in love.

They hadn’t officially said the ‘L’ word yet. Spock had explained to him that Vulcans show affection in different ways than humans do, that if Jim needed to hear a declaration of how much Spock cared for him that he need only state as such, and Spock would deliver. Jim, of course, knew that Vulcans don’t do a lot of the same things humans do, just like all species of humanoids and beings a like did different things; so it wasn’t a big deal. Spock had his own emotional setbacks to deal with just like Jim did, and Jim couldn’t begrudge him for that.

They spend most of the ride back to Spock’s apartment in silence, their hands resting over the center console. Jim fiddles with the radio, changing stations every other song to find the right driving music. Jim gives a chuckle when Spock gives a minute frown at songs he doesn’t like. Spock prefers a good orchestral song over Jim’s loud and sometimes annoying synth rock, but he puts up with it for a good cause. They drive past the opaque building field that surrounds the still damaged areas of San Fran Bay. Thanks to 23rd century construction and eager Starfleet volunteers, the reconstruction process has gone quick, although there is still a lot more to go. When Jim used to see it on their way to his PT his heart would break and he would become distant and melancholy, but now he sees it and thinks that things just might be okay. His therapist and him have worked hard on Jim being able to not place the blame of the destruction on himself, and he understands that now. He might have made some mad choices that led to the destruction, but ultimately it was not his fault that Khan and Marcus started this tirade in the first place.

Spock manually drives the hovercar up to the apartment building’s entrance and gets out, walking over to Jim’s side of the car. Jim doesn’t need help getting out of the car and back upstairs like he did 6 months ago, but he lets Spock have this to keep him sane. He promptly pops out of the car as soon as Spock opens his door and stands, smiling and stretching his arms above his head. Spock closes the door and lets the parking bot take the car safely to it’s resting spot.

As they walk through the building and to the ‘lift to take them up to the 7th floor Jim goes off on a tangent about how he wants to get the bridge crew together for another ‘family dinner’. They had all gotten a hell of a lot closer since Jim’s revival. Apparently, death (and resurrection) can really bring people closer together. Spock listens patiently and gives his own opinions on what food they would all agree on. (“Pizza.” _“No.”_ “C’mon there’s vegetarian pizza.” _“Pizza is not within Dr. McCoy’s dietary arrangement for you, which you still have to follow for the following month.”_ “Of course I do.”)

They get to the apartment door and as Spock raises his hand to the ID scanner Jim stops him. “Hey.” He says, his own voice feeling soft. Spock withdraws his hands back to his side and turns to face Jim. Jim’s eyes dart to the floor as his heart rate kicks up in his chest. He tugs on his own lower lip with his teeth before sucking in a breath. “I just…” He stumbles over his words for a second, brow furrowing as he thinks. Jim reaches out between the scant distance between them, picking at a stray fuzz on Spock’s light sweater. Spock catches Jim’s wrist in his hand and Jim looks back up from the fuzz and looks to his partner’s face. “It’s just… I… I’m really grateful that you’ve been here for me. And I’m grateful that we’ve somehow found-“ He uses his free hand to gesture between them, “this.” When the motion of Jim’s hand stops he places his hand out towards Spock’s abdomen, over to the far right where his heart lays. He can feel the fast paced beat of Spock’s heart rate, quicker and stronger than a human heart. His fingers clench gently in the soft fabric of Spock’s shirt and he lets out a breath. “And I love you.”

He swallows hard and is about to glance back up when Spock’s arm’s engulf him. He’s pulled tight against the sturdy form of his Vulcan lover. Spock releases his wrist and moves his fingers up through Jim’s hair to cradle the back of his head. His other arm wrapping securely around Jim’s side. Jim relaxes into it, his hand still fisted into Spock’s sweater and his free arm locked around Spock’s shoulders as he pushes his face into the side of his boyfriend’s neck.

Spock’s cheek rests against his own and Jim almost has to fight for a breath as the baritone voice whispers fiercely to him. “I do not believe there is a world where I would not care for you as I do now. There is no amount of hardship that I would not endure to see that you are happy and safe. There is no other way for me to exist than to exist alongside you. You are so deeply cherished, _k’diwa_.”

Jim tights his grip around Spock, his eyes shut tight against the wateriness that he knows is there behind his eyelids. He lets out a shuddered breath and can feel Spock’s hands tighten against him. He uses the hand that is pressed against Spock’s side to push him back a fraction, lifting his head and crashing his lips into Spock’s. Spock answers back to the kiss unwavering and steady as he presses back against him. Jim lets his right arm fall away from Spock’s shoulders, reaching out to the arm locked around his waist. Spock- ever the fast learner- recedes his arm from around Jim and meets Jim’s proffered fingers with his own. Spock told Jim after their first few Vulcan kisses were passed that non-telepathic species would not feel the same sensations that Vulcans would during _ozh’esta._ But Jim calls bullshit on that one. Sure, it’s not the same as lip on lip or tongue on tongue action that Jim prefers but whenever Spock’s fingers touch his own he feels a sense of rightness. A glowing warmth that spreads from his fingertips to his heart to his toes.

When they both decide that it’s time to pull away before they scar Spock’s floor neighbors for life, Jim smiles bashfully. It was terribly cliché that Jim had all of his bravado and then still got shy when Spock would look at him with dark brown eyes that held newly discovered affection, or Spock touched him as if he was precious, as if he was worth taking care of. Spock gives Jim his own grin, that subtle tilt of his upper lip that seems so obvious against Spock’s schooled features.

Spock tilts his chin upwards and presses a chaste kiss to Jim’s forehead. “Come, there is still several hours left in the day.” He says before moving to press his palm against the ID scanner once more.

Jim chuckles and throws him and raised eyebrow, “Mr. Spock, are you trying to insinuate something?” He smiles cheekily as the doors open, “After all, I am-“ Jim turns to walk inside and is stopped short by the sight that welcomes him. His throat tightens considerably and the water builds up in his eyes once more.

“Happy Release Day, Jimmy!” Jim can hear Bones call out before his crew- _his crew-_ cheer and applaud with such vigor and enthusiasm that it comes close to making him dizzy. His open mouth works silently as he tries to find words to say, and when a hand comes to rest on his lower back he almost jumps sideways. He whips his head to the side to look at Spock and he motions to inside with a tilt of his head and a prompt nudge of his palm.

Jim walks inside and his smile is shaky but so, so wide and brilliant as his crew claps and whistles and hoots. He tries to regain his composure but it’s of no use as Nyota- who came to see him and take care of him when Spock had Starfleet duties- comes up to him and wraps him in a hug. He hugs her back tightly and lets himself sob quietly into her shoulder. She rubs his back soothingly and sways gently, quietly commenting on how proud she is to have him as a friend and captain.

Bones comes over to him next giving him his famous McCoy bearhug that could make anyone melt. Jim hiccups ‘thank you’ over and over while Bones tells him fondly to shut up, kid, we love you. Jim remembers the night he had a total meltdown while hanging out with Bones a month after he was out of the hospital. He cried to his best friend about how thankful he was that Bones was so amazing and the best friend he could ever have, that he’s never had a friend that has worked so hard to make sure he stays alive, that he never really knew friendship before Len. Bones held him and let him cry, let him talk and be sad that night because it was okay that Jim was fucked up over what happened. Bones apologized for putting him through the hell of PT and therapy but that he wouldn’t change anything, that he wasn’t going to just let Jim stay dead.

Everyone else comes to hug him and his tears stop (mostly) by the end of the bridge crew. Scotty and him both get teary eyed again after a fierce hug. He apologizes to Pasha for throwing him to the red-shirts. Hikaru hugs him tight, and his husband Ben- who Jim had become friends with over the past year- gives him a friendly embrace and thanks him for bringing Hikaru back home safe. A bunch of his crew that he barely even knows is there too. An Ensign comes up to him and tells him how that back when they were on the ship, back before Nibiru that he had given her life changing advice on how to handle the grief of her aunt’s death. He faintly recalls the conversation, and where he accidentally stumbled upon a grief stricken and crying Ensign in the back corner of the botanical gardens.

They even had cupcakes made with little star shaped sprinkles, and one cupcake had the icing drawn in an intricate and starship with a capital ‘J’ on the hull. Bones let him eat 2 cupcakes, which was a miracle all in itself. They drank, talked, played shitty popular music and played a stupid game of charades. It’s beautiful and fun and _normal_. Spock doesn’t stay near him the entire party, but when Jim’s eyes seek him out Spock is always looking back at him, offering a grin or a raised eyebrow.

By the time everyone leaves, save for Nyota, Bones, Hikaru and Ben who offered to help clean up, Jim is pretty tired. He may be out of PT now but his body still gets fatigued faster than he’d like to admit. Ny tells Spock to take Jim to get settled in for the night and they’ll finish cleaning up out in the living room and kitchen area. It almost makes Jim cringe to think that Nyota knows Spock’s apartment well enough to clean it back to the immaculate state it’s always in. But Nyota had given her blessing to Spock and Jim the second she broke up with Spock, is what she always says. Jim trusts that Ny doesn’t hold any ill will against him, she’s just not that type of person.

Spock had lowered his environmental controls to be closer to human comfortable and Jim could feel the heating system work it’s way back up to a Vulcan-Human compromise. Jim liked to sleep in the warmth- and also liked to sleep with as little clothing as possible- so it was ideal to have it closer to the Vulcan side of warm than the human.

Spock helps Jim strip down to his briefs, taking their sweet time with undressing and lets him get comfortable in bed. Spock’s bed, to be exact, that Jim had taken up residence in 4 months ago. Spock tells him that he’ll be right back before going to check in on the clean-up crew. It’s not even 2 minutes later that he returns and Jim is toeing the line of awareness and sleep. He doesn’t register when Spock changes into his sleep clothes and slides into the other side of the bed. Jim hums in his throat and moves towards his large, Vulcan heating unit, snuggling under the covers. Jim feels a pair of lips on the top of his head and falls asleep dreaming of red sand and the only real family he’s ever known.

**Author's Note:**

> As always I thank thee for thy loyal kudos and thy wondrous comments. They bless my soul with warmth and make my word typing fingers go infinitely faster. Thanks for reading!


End file.
